Mom Life

What a Stay at Home Mom Really Wants for a Gift

I know we have just left gift-giving season, but there are plenty of other holidays ahead so maybe one husband will read this and if I can help one mom, I’ll be happy. I’ve tried to explain this to my own husband, but it isn’t really working. I think guys are more wrapped up in something tangible, and what a mom really wants, at least this mom, is the gift of time.

So how do you gift time?

Here’s an example: My husband knows I love going to a very special spa in town. For Valentine’s Day, right after our son was born, he got me a $200 gift certificate for that spa. Guess who still has a gift certificate to use?

While I love the thought behind it, it would have been better to give me a card with a date inside and the message that he would be there to watch our son and I could make an appointment for the spa on that day, at any time I wanted, for as long as I wanted.

That’s the gift of time.

It’s easy. It will never be returned due to being the wrong size. But it should be at least three hours or more. A full day of freedom if possible. Because freedom to do what we want is the main thing we lose when becoming a mom.

I don’t think guys get this. Last week I went to lunch with my friend Meisha. I was gone just over two hours. I knew my husband had some stuff to do around the house (he always has stuff he wants to do) so I came back right after. A couple days later he mentioned going to get a drink with a friend and I figured no big deal.

So off he went and must have been having a great time because he returned SEVEN AND HALF HOURS LATER.

I cannot tell you the last time I had seven hours to do what I want. Our son does preschool two mornings a week and that’s only five hours! I start feeling the guilty tug after a couple hours when I’m out and get the feeling “I should return home” and go back to my mom station. Also because I usually get a text asking me when I’m returning.

I know when I leave the house, I will usually be back sooner than I say. I know when my husband leaves, if he is meeting friends, I should just not plan on seeing him for a while. And if he wants to do something, he just schedules it, while I have to consult with him, a babysitter and hope the moon and sun are in alignment before I can get something done on my own.

And while I’m not complaining about that pretty little purse I got for Christmas (moms like actual stuff too) I’m just saying that the one thing I really want is something I can’t order online.

* I’m happy to say I do actually have a spa appointment at the end of January. Let’s see how long I can make it last!

free time

There’s no such thing anymore…

22 replies »

  1. I make a hotel reservation for one night a year just for me! I order room service and take the longest, hottest shower I want to with no one walking it or knocking on the door. I can do spa treatments and use the remote to watch what I want to watch. Get a late checkout and have a leisurely breakfast. Best gift to me ever!


  2. when I was a stay-at-home mom when my boys were younger my husband always gave me the day off for mother’s day and my birthday. it wasn’t on that day, but around that day. He would say…. leave the house after breakfast and don’t come back until x time for dinner. He would stay with the boys. He did everything with them and often tried to do some other things around the house. Some years he would say to me go out and buy yourself blah or blah knowing that I hate spending money on myself. Or he’d say take your book and go for a hike and read or something or whatever I needed to get away. These were the best gifts


  3. This is all SO true! My husband thinks he’s making me happy when he buys me cakes or other sweet treats. Hello, I’m always talking about watching what I eat. We need to tell them exactly what we want. They haven’t got a clue.


    • OMG mine does the same thing! Got me a dozen chocolate dipped strawberries for my birthday. They arrived melted so they sent 12 more! So there I was with 2 dozen chocolate strawberries and what I really wanted was some time to go to a yoga class (and maybe like 2 strawberries), LOL.


  4. My husband sent me for a (really expensive!!!) manicure on Mother’s Day and RIGHT afterwards we all headed to the park for a picnic. My nails were ruined within 5 minutes. It was beautiful and thoughtful, but I couldn’t help but think: dang I just wasted all that money! Just send me away for the afternoon next time.


    • Next time get Gel polish! All moms need to know about the gel. It dries immediately so there is no messing it up! I have the little at home kit and can do my nails and then immediately change a diaper/do laundry/pick-up the kid/etc. all with perfect nails 🙂


  5. Agreed! My husband actually got me a massage for Christmas too. It was really nice because he actually made the appointment for me (I actually don’t even know when it is). If he hadn’t already made the appointment, it would probably have taken me YEARS to finally use it because I never seem to have the time. Glad you were able to get in so soon!👍


  6. I never got this as a stay at home mum, and I really needed some me time. Now I’m divorced and independent, I get lots and lots of me time and it’s amazing.


  7. You hit this right on the money. I think all mamas want this. It’s so hard to keep consistent with giving time to ourselves, and when we do get it (no matter how little) the mom guilt just comes right at us!

    PS I hope you keep your appt in Jan 😉


  8. Yep! The appointment is more important than the money. It’s not that we don’t have the money to pay for it…it’s that we don’t have the time to make it happen without somebody offering to help!


  9. Yes! My husband does the same thing when he wants to do something with a friend. He just schedules it and puts it on our joint calendar. I always ask him if it’s ok first before I plan anything. He says, “Why do I have to ask your permission?” I’m like it’s not really that, it’s just I would appreciate you mentioning it first, in case there was something I wanted to do as a family. My husband is good about helping with the kids so I can take breaks. So I shouldn’t complain, but I feel you on this one!


    • I am thinking things are going to be a little different when he comes home next month. He’s been deployed for 10 months, and I am no longer used to asking anyone if it’s ok if I do anything lol. Hoping I broke my own habit and will be a little more assertive with my need for “me time” 🙂


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