That one time, I posted about shark penis

I’m pretty new to my neighborhood, and I’m happy to be getting to know my new neighbors, I just didn’t think I’d be known for shark penis. Or claspers, if you will. I now know way more about shark genitalia than I need to.

See, we all thought it was a baby ray. We are always finding interesting things at the beach and one night during our evening stroll I spotted what I thought was a dead stingray. So of course I handed my son a stick and told him he could poke at it. We flipped it over to check it out, flipped it back, took pictures of the whole thing and then posted it to Facebook. This is where the penis comes in.

shark claspers

A friend responds to my post, pointing out it is not a dead ray, but in fact, “shark genitalia.” I was like, whaaaaaaat?? And also wondering why he knew that. I immediately Googled for more info and he was correct. It was shark genitalia I had been taking pics of and the rest of the shark was nowhere to be found.


In all my years at the beach, I have never run across any part of a shark besides teeth. So I went and posted the photo in our neighborhood Facebook group and that’s when things really started to blow up.

Some people were outraged about an alleged shark castrator on the loose, and others complained about those people being too sensitive. There were Tons of comments. Some people found various parts of the shark at other nearby beach accesses. The head was found about a block away.

Apparently, the real story is there were some fishing boats off shore that weekend and sometimes they chop up the usable parts and then throw the rest back in. I don’t think they’re supposed to do that, and I’m not really sure what transpired here, but I’m sure it wasn’t some weird anti-shark antics. I’m happy to say I haven’t ever seen anything like this since then. But there was one guy in the comments who might not feel the same way-

His comment- “Do you still have it? I’m very interested.”

Um. NO. WTF? He actually thinks I took this home??

I have no idea what he wanted shark claspers for, but I don’t plan on asking! The only shark parts I’m taking home from the beach are teeth. Unfortunately I’m not so good at finding teeth. But apparently, stick a random shark penis on the beach and I’ll spot that thing no problem.



My Snotty Valentine

I was sick this year for Valentine’s Day. I’m still sick actually, and just hoping it’s not the killer flu because I’m one of those people who hate going to the doctor and will probably have “No really, I think it’s going away” on my tombstone.

Because I’m a snotty miserable mess, we cancelled our fancy dinner plans and stayed home. I at least managed to put on my pink stripe Puma pants to convey that I was putting some effort into the holiday. Oh, how times have changed, lol.

valentines day outfit

I was planning on wearing a nice dress to dinner at least. I’ll have to save it for the re-do this weekend. I got some new UGGs, a chocolate heart filled with popcorn and a cool Star Wars card. Plus my husband stayed home from work so I could rest because yesterday was the worst of the sickness so far (probably the best present ever.)

star wars valentine

And then this magical thing happened- a mystery packaged showed up at the door and inside was a bottle that said Sambrosa Nighttime Syrup and was stamped with “Sweet Dreams” and “Zzz zzz.” Earlier I had said all I wanted to do was order some sushi and then knock myself out with Nyquil. It was like the universe was listening and was like, “No, try this.” I kind of remember something about signing up to sample this months ago. But there was no information in the package, no invoice. I know I didn’t purchase it somewhere and the return address was directly from Sambrosa. I’ve checked through all my e-mails and cannot figure out where this came from!


Did that stop me from taking the mystery drug that showed up in my mail? No. No it did not. I’m sick and did not feel like asking too many questions. So after dinner I poured myself a big spoonful and downed a full serving of this really awful tasting stuff. Maybe I shouldn’t have brushed my teeth first. I’m not a big fan of syrups in the first place, but it was pretty fast-acting and within 20 minutes I was ready for bed. I did actually have a really good night’s sleep. A lot of time antihistamine type sleep products make me wake up in the middle of the night feeling weird, but I didn’t wake up until I heard the faint “Mommy…mommy where are you?…Mama!…” coming from across the hall. That’s my clue to jump into action.

I plan on giving it another try tonight, maybe before the tooth brushing. And if anyone else is part of this sampling program, or saw it somewhere, please let me know where the heck this came from! And yes, technically it is for allergies but I have all the runny nose, sneezing, watery eye yuckiness it says it combats so I’m just going with it.

Hope you all had a Happy Valentine’s day, however you got to spend it. I enjoyed mine, snot and all. It’s really what you make of it 🙂


Boys Love Dirt

Toddler playing in dirtYesterday I sat watching my son gleefully crash his toy cars into piles of dirt. I got a big wide smile on my face seeing how happy he was digging, building little mountains and destroying them.

He squealed in delight, “Mommy watch!”

Then, as I looked up at him, he threw a giant handful of dirt right in my happy smiling face. The kind of smile that shows teeth. Teeth that were now all crunchy with dirty sand.

*sigh* Boys.

It went all in my hair, on my pants, down my shirt. It was a pretty good throw. Before I morphed into Angry Mommy, I hopped up, shook off the dirt and told him if he’s going to throw stuff at me, then I don’t want to play with him anymore.

I think he took this as a challenge to throw dirt in any other general direction, including wiping it all over himself.

*sigh* again. Boys.

Oh I’m sure there are some dirt loving little girls out there. I know I was one of them. But I’m not sure if I was this committed. And I surely never threw dirt in my mother’s face. But then again, I do recall a lot of time spent playing in the dirt/sand/mud. So maybe this needs to be changed to kids. Kids Love Dirt. Boys, girls, and sometimes even mommies, love dirt. Except in the face.

Nobody loves dirt in the face.

Mommy Spank Me

I didn’t grow up with spankings, but I did grow up with the threat of them. So in a desperate move to get my son to stop squirming and let me put a diaper on him, I yelled, “Stay still! You don’t want a spanking do you?”

To which my son excitedly yelled, “Yeah!!!”

Well crap.

I suppose I should have explained what a spanking was before I tried to offer one.

So then I tried to convince him, oh no, you don’t want a spanking. Spankings hurt!

baby bending over
Taunting from a 2-year-old

So then he starts chanting “Mommy spank me! Mommy spank me!”

I’ve clearly lost control of the situation.

I find myself going, “No! I don’t want to spank you! I’m not gonna do it!”

Then I start wondering how my two-year-old just legit reverse psychologied me.

So how does this end you might wonder? With a half-hearted pop on the leg to show I mean business and some fake crying that ends in giggles and demands for more “spanking.”

Dear Lord, please don’t let him start requesting this at pre-school. 😆


My Top 5 Daily #MomFail Moments

momfail1Every day starts off with grand intentions. He’s going to eat all his breakfast! Then we brush teeth! Serious potty training starts now! Then it takes about two minutes into the morning for it to all go to hell and I’m giving the kid M&Ms for breakfast just so I can sit for a minute and have a cup of coffee without being harassed. So here’s my list of my top five “Mom Fails” that happen on an almost daily basis:

1) Tooth Brushing He hates it so much that I usually have to straddle him, pin his arms down and then brush all the teeth I can get to as quickly as possible. We just had his first dentist visit recently and coincidentally, they actually recommended the pinning them down method! I guess that’s a Mom win after all.

2) His Hair – The kid needs a haircut. I sent him to pre-school this morning looking like a toddler Einstein, and not in good way. I even tried applying a hair smoothing product and it refused to do anything but stick straight up.

3) The Bribery – I know I’m setting myself up for failure here, but I usually get him a toy at the grocery store or candy at the checkout line. I can almost enjoy our grocery store outings this way. But he expects it now. In fact, he asks to go to the grocery store all the time because he thinks it’s a magical place of new cars and chocolate.

4) The Food – He would exclusively eat M&M’s and fruit gummies if given the opportunity, so I’ll do anything to get him to eat solid food. Hotdogs for breakfast? Sure. A fried egg and peanut butter from the jar for dinner? Yep that’s happened. These are obviously not the best choices, but all my efforts at good wholesome meals end up on the floor so I figure I’ll just at least feed him some something he will eat.

5) My Restaurant TacticsTaking a toddler out to dinner is a unique form of torture. In an effort to not just stuff my face while trying to keep him from escaping, I will let him do whatever keeps him quiet within reason. Last night he entertained himself by sticking his straw in my margarita, then licking it. Don’t get judgy, it was mostly just lime flavored ice. He also likes to lick all the tortilla chips and then put them back. That’s why he gets his own bowl of chips now.

So are of these really fails? No, I’m pretty sure they’re necessary survival tactics for parenting. (Though we could use some improvement on the dental hygiene angle.) I think a lot of parents will look at this list and be like, been there, done that. So what’s your #MomFail #MakingItWork moments?