The Greatest Shower of All

bathroom selfie in a towelI showered today! And why is that a monumentous occasion? Because I wanted to take a shower and I did! I didn’t have to ask anyone to cover for me, or wait until 9PM! I even shaved! That’s a lot of exclamations! But you get the point, this is exciting stuff.

As a mom, you often feel like your basic human rights have been taken away. You no longer eat, sleep or shower on the your own schedule. So today, a tiny piece of freedom has been handed back to me. Something I used to take for granted. The option to shower when I please, as long as I can keep the kid entertained for at least 15 minutes. It was glorious.

It’s a big day we’ve slowly been working up to. Today was the first time I didn’t get out three times to check on him while dripping water all over the floor. Next time I’m going to get crazy and try to shave AND wash my hair! Whoah!

Things are looking up over here. It does get better. You do get your normal life back, piece by tiny piece. And I’ve never appreciated those tiny pieces so much!

P.S. – I contemplated titling this “the golden shower moment” but probably don’t need that kind of traffic 😂

Happy Easter!

Hope everyone is having a great Easter! Looks like the Easter Bunny dropped a few eggs off at our place…

This is the first year Keelan has been old enough to do an egg hunt…or so we thought. I’m impressed with how fast four-year-olds can move and decimate an egg field. Our first official egg hunt started in tears and ended with zero eggs. I didn’t even take any pictures!

We went to the big community egg hunt and it was packed with kids. We were in the four and under group, but as soon as all the kids took off running, K burst into tears and ran back toward me. Unfortunately that was the same time Sean jumped over the fence to try and help him, and inadvertently kicked him in the head. He was OK! But nobody wants to get kicked in the head when they are already crying. So there was even more crying. We were not off to a good start.

All the eggs were gone by the time he was interested at all in looking. The line to see the Easter Bunny was really long and there was no way he would wait in line, so we waved from a distance. We did score a hotdog and chips so things ended on a good note.

We decided to do a re-do on the egg hunt and hide them in the yard. I’m happy to say he found all the eggs, there were squeals of glee, and nobody at all was kicked in the head.


Angry Mommy – When Mom Needs a Time Out Too

The other day my son was really pushing it, not listening, throwing things at my head and generally driving me crazy. So what do I do? Yell “Keelan stop it right now! Mommy’s getting mad! You won’t like me when I’m angry!”

And then I realized I was quoting the Incredible Hulk, or technically Bruce Banner before he Hulks out.

incredible hulk

I was at the point where I felt more like I was turning purple than green, but just the realization that I was turning into Mom Hulk made me stop and laugh at my myself. I was being loud and angry and felt like crushing puny humans.

Because what can you really do with a toddler? Yelling and threatening doesn’t help. Beating them is frowned upon. Reasoning doesn’t seem to work either. So I did the only thing I could think of and pulled out the old standard, “GO to your room! Time Out!” Mostly because I needed a time out myself.

It lasted all of a couple minutes before he poked his head out and said he wanted to play with his cars. Somehow that seemed to have pressed a reset button on both of us. I went back to my normal mild mannered self and he went back to his crazy but not too crazy toddler antics.

So what’s your angry mom tactics for calming the rage before you turn into a crazy green monster?

Potty Training – Sh*t Just Got Real, Literally

poop-emojiMy life for the past few months has been a constant refrain of “Where does poop and pee go? In the potty. Poop and pee go in the potty. Are you sure you don’t want to potty? Why wouldn’t you want to put poop in the potty? I promise you can look at it all you want, just put some &%$# poop in the potty!!!”

Potty training has been tough! And then a few days ago, he FINALLY sat his butt down and pooped in his little potty. I was so damn excited I snapped a photo and texted it to my husband so he could share in the joy of the moment. I stopped short of posting it on Facebook, although I came pretty close to recording it as a “life event.”

So in all the months of begging and pleading for this milestone to occur, I hadn’t once stopped to think about what I was supposed to do with it once he actually succeeded. Suddenly I had a diaperless toddler with a dirty butt and a giant turd to deal with. I cleaned up the kid first and decided I’d deal with the turd later. He was begging to see his handiwork, so he got to supervise while I dumped it in the toilet. He looked so happy, so proud, pointing and saying “I did it! I did it!” I tried my hardest to keep smiling while gagging from the stench. It was rough, but I didn’t barf so that’s a win for me too. I let him flush the toilet and then his big reward was ice cream and going pantsless for the next two hours. And my big reward was cleaning the poopy potty bowl. And gagging some more.

I’m hoping this is a turning point in our potty training endeavors. It’s a big milestone at least! And a learning experience for me – I’m now encouraging him to sit on the real toilet with a potty seat. I’ve got enough crap to deal with already!

A New Respect for Teachers

Anyone who takes on a teacher position, bless you. It takes an amazing amount of patience, imagination, ingenuity and intelligence to become a good teacher and really help others to learn. I’m only trying to teach one child and find it incredibly challenging. I can’t imagine how it is to be in charge of an entire classroom of little minds.

apple on booksMy son is about to turn three and wants to know what everything is and how it works. I’m thankful I have Google at my fingertips so I can look everything up and try and teach him new things. Every once in a while I feel completely overwhelmed by the fact that I have to teach him EVERYTHING. And I get worried I’m not doing it right, or not teaching him enough. And how do I know what exactly I should be teaching him?

I’ve been concentrating on counting, colors, shapes and letters. I try to expand on things he’s quizzical about, and I try to do it all in a way that makes it fun so he will enjoy learning. And in the middle of all that, I realized, “Oh wow, looks like I have yet another new job. Time to add teacher to the list.” (it’s a long list of mom jobs including things like chef, maid and butt wiper)

And that realization grew into a new respect for the people that actually go out and teach people every day. Their jobs are so incredibly important. A good teacher can change your life, or help shape a little life just starting out. So thank you to all the teachers out there! And to homeschooling moms…wow, that has got to take some dedication and hard work. You certainly have my respect as well. Each time I try to do some type of learning activity with the toddler my teacher respect grows…and grows…and grows…