Maybe it’s an Only Child thing. Or maybe it’s a writer thing. It could be just an introvert thing. Whatever it is, I need my silence.
It’s one of the big things you give up as a mom. In a previous life, I could hear myself think. In my new life as a parent, I’ve learned to operate my brain to the constant strain of crying, whining, singing, noisy toys and mommy, mommy, mommy, mommyyyyyyyyy. And I married a man who loves noise and crowds so he doesn’t really get it. I need silence to recharge.
After coming home from a week-long business trip he offered to watch our son for the day so I could leave and go do what I wanted all day. I told him I’d rather they both leave me at the house alone, so I could just relax. I didn’t want to spend the day running around, visiting noisy places. I wanted to spend the day with Me. I also secretly enjoyed the idea of him taking our son around to the hardware store, out to eat alone, etc., and getting a little taste of what I deal with on a daily basis. I could barely contain my grin when he later recounted the major meltdown that occurred because the hardware store had a display of M&M’s as soon as you walk down the door. It still makes me giggle.
When I was younger, I sometimes contemplated that I’d be perfectly happy being a hermit in the woods, with maybe a few cats. I am glad that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to be able to fully enjoy life and all its noise. I will always have a need and appreciation for quite and solitude. Though I’m starting to wonder, if many years down the road when my son is grown and leaves the house, I may one day find myself thinking… the house is too quiet.