Toddlerhood, we’ve got this licked!

img_8188I’m sure as soon as a consult Dr. Google on this, I’ll read it’s totally normal, but what the heck is with all the licking? My son likes to grab my face in both hands to make me look at him and then lick my face. When I tell him to stop, he licks his toys. Yesterday he licked his shoe. I’m starting to think the dogs are really rubbing off on him.

So after a quick Google consult, seems the magical age of the licking phase is 2 1/2 so the kid is right on time! I also noticed many of the people commenting had dogs. So he may indeed be imitating their behavior. I can handle the licking phase, but I’m going to put my foot down if he starts asking to poop in the yard.

Just kidding, he totally asked to poop in the yard and I told him go ahead just because I was excited he let me know he had to potty. (In the end, he did not take me up on the offer)

I guess for now I’ll just have to accept I’ve got a toddler who can’t hold his licker. 😂

The Painted Toes

img_7951“We need to clean that stuff off his toes after the bath, it’s embarrassing.”

When I heard my husband yell this from the bathroom, at first I was confused, because I had just clipped K’s toenails the day before and was pretty sure they were clean. Then I glanced down at my toes and realized my supposedly open-minded husband was referring to our son’s sparkling blue pedicure.

I cringed a little. Wondering, was it actually embarrassing? Have I wronged our son in some way by indulging his request to have blue toes? Will he someday become a drag queen known as Blue Velvet and my husband will point at me and say it’s all my fault?

It was so cute when he saw me painting my toes and asked specifically for me to paint his big toe. He squealed in delight and waved his foot in the air. Then he pointed to the next toe, “Do this one!” So I did. And he proceeded to point to each toe until he had them all done. I had fun sharing the experience with him. He even let me put a little quick dry top coat on and sat waiting for them to dry. I think it was the first time he sat still all day.

I stopped cringing and second guessing myself after a couple minutes and realized screw that, he can have blue toes if he wants. He’s two. Who the heck cares? So I shouted back they are staying blue unless he wants to be the one to try and take it off.

The next morning we were outside when my neighbor walked by. She complimented the blue toes and added “we do the same thing at our house.” That sentiment was echoed again when I posted the photo online. Apparently, at houses all over the world, little boys are getting their toenails painted! Who knew? Well now I do, and I’m perfectly fine with that 🙂 (of course, I will have to eventually take it off because everybody knows toenail polish can survive a nuclear war)

Mommy Has a Potty Mouth

Potty MouthYesterday while driving a car cut me off and I yelled “Shit!”
Immediately from the backseat I hear “Shit! Shit! Mommy Shit!” Shouted with great enthusiasm.
Silently, I think: Shit. Shit. Shit.

Now I’m perplexed. What AM I supposed to yell if “shit” is off the table, along with all its other 4 letter cousins? So I started try to come up with new things I could curse with.

Sugar! Shitzu! Shizoozle! Snootchie Bootchies!

None of these seem quite as satisfying. I have no idea how I’m going to retrain myself. It’s just an automatic thing. But I’m going to have to put the effort in.

Especially after somebody ran a 4-way-stop today and right on cue I hear an echo from the backseat going “Hey Jackass!”

oops…

Living by a new set of rules

1uwe9mNothing makes sense anymore. In my old, pre-baby life, if someone asked me for waffles, I’d make them waffles and we’d be good. Now if the child asks for waffles, I end up with screams of despair and cold waffles and I’m still not really sure where I went wrong. I’ve given up trying to figure it out. The only thing I know is, there is a new set of rules, and I’m not the one making them.

Top 10 Toddler Rules for Parents (especially those of crazy little boys)

1) Never let your guard down. The moment you do you get beaned in the head with something. Probably something hard.

2) Don’t look away. Because when you turn back around they are probably already hanging off a window ledge.

3) Don’t invest in whatever they eat at someone else’s house. Because when you get home they’ll hate it. And then you have five boxes of fruit bars they keep trying to feed to the dog.

4) Don’t invest in what they like today at your own house either because tomorrow they will most likely hate it, and by now the dog is getting pretty fat.

5) Diaper-free time means I’m cleaning pee up off the floor time.

6) There’s a right way and a wrong way to do everything. The right way is that one way you did it the first time three weeks ago. The wrong way is however you are trying to do it now, so you get an extended tantrum for your failure to remember to do it the right way.

7) There is a specific tiny car for every activity or outing. Also, you will need about 5,679 hot wheels cars to get through toddlerhood.

8) If there is a puddle, they will find it. If there is dirt, they will find it. If there is both, you might as well just camp out for a while.

9) They can be the worst little hellion ever and wipe it away with a hug, a kiss and a sweet little baby voiced “I love you.” And they know it.

10) They are going to steal your heart and one day you’ll miss the puddles and tiny cars and insistence on being carried everywhere. Toddlerhood doesn’t last forever. Just cover your ears keep repeating that during the next screamfest that erupts because you won’t let them lick the light socket.

The Real Reason Toddlers Have Tantrums

My 2-year-old is going through some intense development right now, and the resulting tantrums are quite impressive. I am lucky they are short-lived because the decibel level of the screams could possibly cause some eardrum issues. If I have any future hearing loss, I’ll be telling my son he did this to me as a toddler. I’ve read a lot about it being the result of them not being able to communicate, and then the frustration manifests itself as a screaming demon. The articles didn’t actually say “screaming demon,” but I know what they were getting at. So I’m going to unveil the mystery behind what really causes tantrums:

  1. You gave them the cookie they asked for. It was the wrong cookie.
  2. You gave them the right cookie, but you put it in the wrong spot. Cookie is now on the floor.
  3. You picked the cookie up off the floor. No!! They were going to eat that.
  4. We’re done with cookies and now want cars. You can’t find the right car
  5. You found the right car, but put it on the table and he wanted it on the floor.

Do you see a pattern here? It’s obviously us. We’re doing it all wrong. Our mind reading skills are just not sharp enough. Some days we get it. And some days, you just have to hand them the whole darn bag of cookies and walk away.

toddler tantrum