Boys Love Dirt

Toddler playing in dirtYesterday I sat watching my son gleefully crash his toy cars into piles of dirt. I got a big wide smile on my face seeing how happy he was digging, building little mountains and destroying them.

He squealed in delight, “Mommy watch!”

Then, as I looked up at him, he threw a giant handful of dirt right in my happy smiling face. The kind of smile that shows teeth. Teeth that were now all crunchy with dirty sand.

*sigh* Boys.

It went all in my hair, on my pants, down my shirt. It was a pretty good throw. Before I morphed into Angry Mommy, I hopped up, shook off the dirt and told him if he’s going to throw stuff at me, then I don’t want to play with him anymore.

I think he took this as a challenge to throw dirt in any other general direction, including wiping it all over himself.

*sigh* again. Boys.

Oh I’m sure there are some dirt loving little girls out there. I know I was one of them. But I’m not sure if I was this committed. And I surely never threw dirt in my mother’s face. But then again, I do recall a lot of time spent playing in the dirt/sand/mud. So maybe this needs to be changed to kids. Kids Love Dirt. Boys, girls, and sometimes even mommies, love dirt. Except in the face.

Nobody loves dirt in the face.

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Toddlerhood, we’ve got this licked!

img_8188I’m sure as soon as a consult Dr. Google on this, I’ll read it’s totally normal, but what the heck is with all the licking? My son likes to grab my face in both hands to make me look at him and then lick my face. When I tell him to stop, he licks his toys. Yesterday he licked his shoe. I’m starting to think the dogs are really rubbing off on him.

So after a quick Google consult, seems the magical age of the licking phase is 2 1/2 so the kid is right on time! I also noticed many of the people commenting had dogs. So he may indeed be imitating their behavior. I can handle the licking phase, but I’m going to put my foot down if he starts asking to poop in the yard.

Just kidding, he totally asked to poop in the yard and I told him go ahead just because I was excited he let me know he had to potty. (In the end, he did not take me up on the offer)

I guess for now I’ll just have to accept I’ve got a toddler who can’t hold his licker. 😂

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The Painted Toes

img_7951“We need to clean that stuff off his toes after the bath, it’s embarrassing.”

When I heard my husband yell this from the bathroom, at first I was confused, because I had just clipped K’s toenails the day before and was pretty sure they were clean. Then I glanced down at my toes and realized my supposedly open-minded husband was referring to our son’s sparkling blue pedicure.

I cringed a little. Wondering, was it actually embarrassing? Have I wronged our son in some way by indulging his request to have blue toes? Will he someday become a drag queen known as Blue Velvet and my husband will point at me and say it’s all my fault?

It was so cute when he saw me painting my toes and asked specifically for me to paint his big toe. He squealed in delight and waved his foot in the air. Then he pointed to the next toe, “Do this one!” So I did. And he proceeded to point to each toe until he had them all done. I had fun sharing the experience with him. He even let me put a little quick dry top coat on and sat waiting for them to dry. I think it was the first time he sat still all day.

I stopped cringing and second guessing myself after a couple minutes and realized screw that, he can have blue toes if he wants. He’s two. Who the heck cares? So I shouted back they are staying blue unless he wants to be the one to try and take it off.

The next morning we were outside when my neighbor walked by. She complimented the blue toes and added “we do the same thing at our house.” That sentiment was echoed again when I posted the photo online. Apparently, at houses all over the world, little boys are getting their toenails painted! Who knew? Well now I do, and I’m perfectly fine with that 🙂 (of course, I will have to eventually take it off because everybody knows toenail polish can survive a nuclear war)

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Mommy Has a Potty Mouth

Potty MouthYesterday while driving a car cut me off and I yelled “Shit!”
Immediately from the backseat I hear “Shit! Shit! Mommy Shit!” Shouted with great enthusiasm.
Silently, I think: Shit. Shit. Shit.

Now I’m perplexed. What AM I supposed to yell if “shit” is off the table, along with all its other 4 letter cousins? So I started try to come up with new things I could curse with.

Sugar! Shitzu! Shizoozle! Snootchie Bootchies!

None of these seem quite as satisfying. I have no idea how I’m going to retrain myself. It’s just an automatic thing. But I’m going to have to put the effort in.

Especially after somebody ran a 4-way-stop today and right on cue I hear an echo from the backseat going “Hey Jackass!”

oops…

So what creative curse words have you been yelling out?

 

Living by a new set of rules

1uwe9mNothing makes sense anymore. In my old, pre-baby life, if someone asked me for waffles, I’d make them waffles and we’d be good. Now if the child asks for waffles, I end up with screams of despair and cold waffles and I’m still not really sure where I went wrong. I’ve given up trying to figure it out. The only thing I know is, there is a new set of rules, and I’m not the one making them.

Top 10 Toddler Rules for Parents (especially those of crazy little boys)

1) Never let your guard down. The moment you do you get beaned in the head with something. Probably something hard.

2) Don’t look away. Because when you turn back around they are probably already hanging off a window ledge.

3) Don’t invest in whatever they eat at someone else’s house. Because when you get home they’ll hate it. And then you have five boxes of fruit bars they keep trying to feed to the dog.

4) Don’t invest in what they like today at your own house either because tomorrow they will most likely hate it, and by now the dog is getting pretty fat.

5) Diaper-free time means I’m cleaning pee up off the floor time.

6) There’s a right way and a wrong way to do everything. The right way is that one way you did it the first time three weeks ago. The wrong way is however you are trying to do it now, so you get an extended tantrum for your failure to remember to do it the right way.

7) There is a specific tiny car for every activity or outing. Also, you will need about 5,679 hot wheels cars to get through toddlerhood.

8) If there is a puddle, they will find it. If there is dirt, they will find it. If there is both, you might as well just camp out for a while.

9) They can be the worst little hellion ever and wipe it away with a hug, a kiss and a sweet little baby voiced “I love you.” And they know it.

10) They are going to steal your heart and one day you’ll miss the puddles and tiny cars and insistence on being carried everywhere. Toddlerhood doesn’t last forever. Just cover your ears keep repeating that during the next screamfest that erupts because you won’t let them lick the light socket.