The Toddler Time Paradox

There’s a time warp of sorts that comes with parenthood that I like to refer to as The Toddler Time Paradox. I would almost describe it as a black hole of time, sucking in all efforts and intentions to “get things done,” often causing tasks to go unfinished or simple tasks to take hours. While on toddler time, a simple trip to take out the trash which would normally take five minutes tops is going to take at least an hour, possibly the whole day

Without Toddler: walk outside, put trash in can, walk back inside

Time Lapsed: 2 minutes

Wiimg_4266th Toddler: 
Take 30 minutes convincing toddler to put shoes on. Finally give up just to get out the door.

Let him find just the right cars to take with him on this monumentous trip.

Grab his bike on the way because now he wants to ride his bike.

Go outside with a toddler, bike and trash.

Leave trash by front door while simple bike ride turns into full neighborhood stroll. In the rain.

Discover puddles. Prefer puddles over bike. Prefer bike in puddles. Make mom yell about getting wet and dirty in puddle. Mommy is funny.

Make it back to front door now wet and dirty. Finally grab the trash. Repeat process trying to get trash around the side of the house.

Now repeat process going back in.

Time Lapsed: 1 hour 20 min

 

Let them eat cake! Or potato chips… or cookies…

My days used to be spent lacing people up in corsets and helping them pick out fancy costumes. Now I feel like 95% of my day is spent trying to find something my toddler will agree to eat. It’s quite a lifestyle change and takes some adjusting.

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Potato chips for dinner! #ParentingWin

Why do toddlers hate food? Or love something one day so you stock up on it and then they refuse to even touch it?
I clearly remember my great grandmother feeding me steak piece by piece while I pretended to be a little bird stealing it from her fork. It probably took 45 minutes for me to finish the entire thing but she kept up with it. I now totally understand why. Being a parent has given me insight into certain things from my childhood that I never really would’ve understood otherwise. I also remember her making me a pizza at 10 PM at night just because I said I was hungry. Parents (and grandparents) will do anything to get a kid to eat.

I can tell Keelan is going to be a skinny kid, just like me and his dad were. I hope he eventually embraces our love of good food and cooking. Right now I might as well make him a nice dinner and then dump it on the floor because that’s where it ends up. But I will keep trying! I really look forward to the day he is helping me make gourmet dinners the kitchen and picking out his own sushi at dinner. (Early 20s maybe? Lol)

Until then, I’ll just keep slicing up those hotdogs. Unless he hates them this week of course.