My Snotty Valentine

I was sick this year for Valentine’s Day. I’m still sick actually, and just hoping it’s not the killer flu because I’m one of those people who hate going to the doctor and will probably have “No really, I think it’s going away” on my tombstone.

Because I’m a snotty miserable mess, we cancelled our fancy dinner plans and stayed home. I at least managed to put on my pink stripe Puma pants to convey that I was putting some effort into the holiday. Oh, how times have changed, lol.

valentines day outfit

I was planning on wearing a nice dress to dinner at least. I’ll have to save it for the re-do this weekend. I got some new UGGs, a chocolate heart filled with popcorn and a cool Star Wars card. Plus my husband stayed home from work so I could rest because yesterday was the worst of the sickness so far (probably the best present ever.)

star wars valentine

And then this magical thing happened- a mystery packaged showed up at the door and inside was a bottle that said Sambrosa Nighttime Syrup and was stamped with “Sweet Dreams” and “Zzz zzz.” Earlier I had said all I wanted to do was order some sushi and then knock myself out with Nyquil. It was like the universe was listening and was like, “No, try this.” I kind of remember something about signing up to sample this months ago. But there was no information in the package, no invoice. I know I didn’t purchase it somewhere and the return address was directly from Sambrosa. I’ve checked through all my e-mails and cannot figure out where this came from!

sambrosa

Did that stop me from taking the mystery drug that showed up in my mail? No. No it did not. I’m sick and did not feel like asking too many questions. So after dinner I poured myself a big spoonful and downed a full serving of this really awful tasting stuff. Maybe I shouldn’t have brushed my teeth first. I’m not a big fan of syrups in the first place, but it was pretty fast-acting and within 20 minutes I was ready for bed. I did actually have a really good night’s sleep. A lot of time antihistamine type sleep products make me wake up in the middle of the night feeling weird, but I didn’t wake up until I heard the faint “Mommy…mommy where are you?…Mama!…” coming from across the hall. That’s my clue to jump into action.

I plan on giving it another try tonight, maybe before the tooth brushing. And if anyone else is part of this sampling program, or saw it somewhere, please let me know where the heck this came from! And yes, technically it is for allergies but I have all the runny nose, sneezing, watery eye yuckiness it says it combats so I’m just going with it.

Hope you all had a Happy Valentine’s day, however you got to spend it. I enjoyed mine, snot and all. It’s really what you make of it 🙂

 

Thankful the bitterness is gone

meandKIt’s time for the official what makes me thankful Thanksgiving post! And for me, every day, I am most thankful my son has erased the bitterness that used to sit in my heart and eat away at me, especially around the holidays.

I was always indifferent about having children. Take ’em or leave ’em. But mostly just take them far away from me. The day I found out I was pregnant for the first time I was more shocked than excited. It was a sudden life change I didn’t think I was ready for. And then slowly the idea grew on me until I was excited. I bought books, signed up for websites, started prepping and then it all came crashing down when I started cramping in the middle of the night. And then suddenly that baby and all our family plans were gone overnight. And then the bitterness set in.

We didn’t start officially trying for another year, but by then I was already avoiding baby showers and hiding all my friends on Facebook that were happily posting cute baby pictures. Christmas cards that were just pics of children went straight in the trash. Birth announcements were like little daggers in my heart. Over the next seven years we went through charting, fertility drugs, IUI and finally IVF. Over that span of time I missed out on celebrating my friends’ births and taking an interest in their children because it all just made me sad. I got tired of people asking and just started telling everyone we didn’t want kids. I was a big liar.

Trying and failing for so long, and going through a monthly rollercoaster of being excited and hopeful, then sad and depressed really takes a toll on a person. And even when you try to stay level-headed, you still go a little crazy. It’s why I started my original blog Stop Telling Me to Relax. I needed an outlet and writing has always helped. And through that I connected to other people going through the same thing. I’m thankful for those people as well. It makes me incredibly happy when I check back in on them and see another one has been able to move out of that place of hope and despair.

I’m a different person now. I smile when I see baby announcements. I enjoy baby showers. I love seeing pics of my friends’ kids on Facebook. I️ reactivated all those people I hid years before, went through their photos and caught up on their lives. Having a child was, and is still, such an amazing huge heart-healing experience for me. It’s like that little black cold angry part of my heart just melted away. And it always reminds me of the Grinch, and how his heart grew three sizes that day. That’s how my son makes me feel every day, and I will forever be thankful for that.

giphy

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