Every once in a while, I get on here to whine about trying to write my book. The book I made the big announcement that I was writing in January, in hopes to kick my butt into gear and actually get it done. The book I’ve actually been working on for the last 3 years. So what exactly is my excuse? Well, I have several. Let’s mull them over and then tell me to get over it and write the darn thing.
1 – I don’t have the time– That’s everybody’s excuse right? I don’t have the time. I’m busy. Busy doing other things like writing blog posts and doing laundry. Of course I know deep down that when you really want to do something, you make the time. So I have planned for about 97 days in a row to get up early and spend time on the book. Come 5AM that alarm goes off and I’m like, “Oh hell no,” and back to sleep I go.
2 – I’m worried what my mom will think – My book is based on my IVF experience and the blog that I wrote during that time. My mom has a tendency to drive me crazy and she really kicked it into high gear when I told her about the IVF. I wrote about it all in an anonymous blog. I got it all out and wrote with honestly and abandon. Not all of it was flattering.
3 – I get overwhelmed when I try to research publishing – I start looking at publishing options, and asking people for recommendations and I just get overwhelmed. I don’t even have a manuscript yet so I have no idea why I’m stressing myself out over this! It’s a bit of “putting the cart before the horse” I suppose. I need to just write it and worry about publishing aspects later.
4 – I just don’t want to go there – IVF is NOT fun. It can take you to some dark places emotionally and physically. You are miserable and sick a lot, all in the name of starting a family. Something it seems like everyone around you is having no trouble doing. You are often hurt and angry and sad all at the same time. And you are trying to hold onto hope the whole time. It sucks. And to write about it, I have to put myself back there and feel like I’m still shaking off some of that misery. Sometimes rewriting and editing the blog posts makes me cry. So it’s not an easy thing to write.
5 – I forget about it – It’s not on my daily to-do list. It’s perpetually on the back-burner, just stewing until I can get back to it. Maybe I need to start posting sticky notes everywhere to “write the damn book.”
6 – Does it even matter? – I start getting into the downward spiral of “Why am I even writing this?” But fortunately I do at least have an answer – I think it matters because I felt so alone during IVF that I started looking for a book about it and all I could find were pregnancy books where they pretty much looked at their husband and got pregnant. I wanted to read something that was more similar to my story. I feel like it’s an experience that needs to be shared and could help other women. That’s why I keep going back.
7 – I need a laptop – probably one of my lamest excuses, but I have to be in front of a computer to do it since I am transferring over blog posts and then editing them into more of a story format. So I have to be in front of an actual computer and often the only time I might have to write is time away from home when all I have is a phone handy. So then I go looking for a new laptop and get all stressed out from reading too many reviews and trying to figure out which one to get. So I freeze up and do nothing.
8 – Money to publish – I figure I’ll probably have to self-publish and then I think about the money needed and wonder how the heck I’m going to get that together. I briefly started a Patreon account and then tried Ko-Fi, both of which I closed because I just felt weird asking people for money. Some people are very good at this. I am not one of those people.
So that’s it. That’s all that’s on my mind, swirling around in my head so I’m writing more about why I’m not writing a book then writing the actual book. I am at least 10 chapters in, so I have a good start. I’m just seriously lacking in motivation.