Early December 2020 I got all fired up about creating Geek Mamas Magazine. I had just found several years of journals from high school to college, and went through them all. I spent three days reading about my hopes and dreams from when I was younger, and I pretty much did all I’d written about. Everything except create a magazine.
So I got all fired up with enthusiasm and launched into a full-scale blog makeover, started new social accounts under @GeekMamasMag, and pretty much blasted the news everywhere. And then my best friend died, the world crumbled around me, and I felt like doing nothing at all. It’s taken me a couple months to crawl out of my hole of grief and it’s still hard to even type this paragraph. I’ve never had a death affect me so deeply before. It’s something I’m still dealing with and working through, so I’m finding it hard to jump back into this magazine project.
Why I Want to Create a Magazine
I went to the University of Florida and got a Bachelor’s degree in Magazine Journalism. By the time I graduated, I barely wanted to write anything ever again. So instead of pursuing a career in writing, I fell into marketing and promotions. A big move from California to Florida prompted a career change, and that’s when I decided to follow a life-long dream of opening a costume shop. I had written extensively in my journals about opening a unique store where people could put together their own costume looks instead of just buying bagged costumes. Unfortunately my plan always involved running the store with my mom and grandmother, I had even named it Three Muses after us, but that plan never came to be.
After seven years of running the shop, I found myself eight months pregnant and trying to run the store totally alone after my one employee quit without warning. I finally realized it was never going to happen and running the store with my family was one dream I was going to have to let go. Dreams involving other people don’t always work so well.
With frustrations mounting, I turned to writing to “get it all out” and that eventually became this blog. The blog evolved into an actual job and I embraced a love of writing again. I reached another childhood dream milestone when I published a children’s book in September of 2020.
Learning All the Things
I knew nothing about book publishing and was planning on working with Mascot Books to have them put it together. Unfortunately I did not have several thousand extra dollars lying around to pay the hybrid publisher fees, so I started a GoFundMe to fund the project.
When Covid crashed the fundraising momentum, I decided to pursue self-publishing. I learned to work with the newest version of Photoshop, after using the old version I had from college for the past 15 years. I pulled from my magazine background to work up the layout, convert the files and ready them for publishing. I put so much effort into learning to put the book together that afterwards I thought….Why don’t I use this knowledge to put together a magazine? And after reading through all those journals detailing my plans for my future publication, it sparked a little fire that blazed into the current blog set-up you see now.
The Best Laid Plans
I had it all planned out – a quarterly publication featuring the best of the blog plus original content, cosplayer profiles, geek fashion spreads, cosplay tutorials, and more. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just a throwaway type publication, but something people might want to hold onto, refer back to and even collect.
But you know what they say about the best laid plans…
So that brings us up to now, where I’m still shaking off the lingering effects of traumatic grief. Where I still have days that I get sucked back in and want to wrap myself up in old memories and a sadness for a future with a best friend by my side that won’t come to pass. We were supposed to grow into crazy old ladies together. It was a running theme with our greeting cards. And suddenly she’s gone, and I feel like the rock I had leaned on for the last 25 years has been kicked out from under me.
And now I have rebranded everything as a magazine, with no actual magazine in sight, and a dwindling desire to launch into anything anytime soon.
So What Now?
So for now my only plan is to just put the magazine on hold and continue focusing on the blog. I’m hoping to regain my spark by summer, and put the first issue out at the end of the year. I haven’t given up on it, but I don’t have the energy or focus to deal with it at this time. So that’s where we are with the whole Geek Mamas Magazine thing.
*As a side note, one of things that always bugs me is people with websites or Facebook pages proclaiming they are a magazine with no actual print publication. And now that’s me! It irritates me to no end, which is why I am determined to pick myself back up and eventually make this happen. Eventually…