I often tell people I started this blog to complain about things and get stuff off my chest rather than let it stew inside my head and boy does this Boy Mom have something stewing today.

It has to do with little boys doing little boy things, and a friend who shall not be named, and her son. And mainly, penises. So, if you are easily offended by a discussion involving private parts, turn away now.

Boys Will Be Boys

I’ve heard that expression about “boys will be boys” all my life but never really understood the truth of it until I had a little boy myself. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed most of them have in common, it’s farting and a love of all things potty talk. My son and his friends can entertain themselves just by yelling “poop” over and over and collapsing into giggles as if it’s the funniest thing ever.

I recall a friend with older boys mentioning once they reach a certain age, they start drawing penises on everything. Which reminded me of the time my aforementioned friend and I were walking on the beach with our boys, and we stumbled upon several large penises made from sand. Obviously made by little boys creating art from their favorite subject.

Our kids were about 5 at the time and didn’t recognize what they were. When they asked, I was about to tell the truth, but my friend popped in with, “They’re dinosaur bones.”

So, our kids proceeded to jump around and play with the “dinosaur bones” for a while, totally innocent of what they were really depicting. I’ll be honest, it was pretty funny to watch.

Check out the dinosaur bones, because yes of course I took a picture:

Now they are both almost 9 and very aware of the appendages attached to their bodies, but at the same time still innocent of anything sexual attached to their usage. To them, it’s just a funny body part. A body part that is incredibly entertaining apparently.

My son and a different friend ended up in the principal’s office last year for punching each other in the penis. When asked what happened, apparently, they wanted to see if it hurt. And yes, it did.

So, they both ended up sitting there, getting written up with ice on their crotch.

All this stuff though? Totally normal boy stuff.

Totally Normal Boy Stuff

That’s right, I repeated it because it is all totally normal. Except my “friend” doesn’t think so.

I should add that the friend is very religious and homeschools her son so she can control exactly what he’s learning and exposed to. What she can’t control is what her son is exposed to outside of her protective bubble, and that includes my son and other kids at an event they attended together called “Kids Night Out.”

So, what happened that has me so pissed? I’ll tell you:

I got a text two hours before my son’s birthday party to let me know his friend couldn’t make it.

This was a very expensive birthday party at an indoor adventure park, where he could only invite 10 special friends.

He could have invited another friend to go if she had cancelled earlier. So as far as I’m concerned that’s a really dick move on her part. Yeah, I said it.

I replied back that I was sorry to hear that, and hoped everything was ok, as I figured he must be sick or something.

She proceeded to tell me of this “issue” that’s been going on for a while. Then she told me how my son was obsessed with penises and that her husband would like to have a talk with my husband about this issue. My husband of course thought the whole thing was hilarious.

I replied back that I’m pretty sure she just described every male with a penis, and that it would have been nice if she had let me know this in time to invite someone else. And I also encouraged her to set up that husband-to-husband chat, because I really couldn’t wait to hear how that goes.

So, she lets me know not only that, but that “he used the D word.” I think there also may have been an attempted junk punch, because he and his friends still find that really funny.

GASP! Pearl clutching ensues!

My son knows he’s not supposed to be using certain words, so of course the temptation to say those certain words is too hard to resist when he’s in a group of similarly rowdy kids. I also asked him what happened that night, and he admitted to saying certain words but doesn’t recall anything else involving private parts.

Anyway, by now I’m super pissed because she’s being an asshole to both me and my child on his birthday by cancelling last minute and basically accusing my kid of being a pervert. And I have to explain to him why his good friend can’t come to his party and that he’s not even allowed to play with him anymore.

So, I’m done with it. This is me writing it out and letting it go.

My son ended up having a great birthday party and he’s too young to really understand what’s going on with the neighbor.

Boy Mom Life

I’m sure there’s plenty more boy stuff in my future that I’ll be dealing with, but it’s all normal every day little boy stuff and that involves penises, farts, potty talk and peeing in the front yard no matter how many times I tell him to at least do it off to the side.

Because every boy mom knows…boys will be boys.

*As a side note, I completely understand thinking a friend is a bad influence on your kid and wanting to avoid that. I feel that way about some of my kid’s friends. But the way this was handled, and the last-minute birthday cancellation is what really made me mad. It was unnecessary. She could have let him go to the party and then mentioned something afterwards.