My life for the past few months has been a constant refrain of “Where does poop and pee go? In the potty. Poop and pee go in the potty. Are you sure you don’t want to potty? Why wouldn’t you want to put poop in the potty? I promise you can look at it all you want, just put some &%$# poop in the potty!!!”
Potty training has been tough! And then a few days ago, he FINALLY sat his butt down and pooped in his little potty. I was so damn excited I snapped a photo and texted it to my husband so he could share in the joy of the moment. I stopped short of posting it on Facebook, although I came pretty close to recording it as a “life event.”
So in all the months of begging and pleading for this milestone to occur, I hadn’t once stopped to think about what I was supposed to do with it once he actually succeeded. Suddenly I had a diaperless toddler with a dirty butt and a giant turd to deal with. I cleaned up the kid first and decided I’d deal with the turd later. He was begging to see his handiwork, so he got to supervise while I dumped it in the toilet. He looked so happy, so proud, pointing and saying “I did it! I did it!” I tried my hardest to keep smiling while gagging from the stench. It was rough, but I didn’t barf so that’s a win for me too. I let him flush the toilet and then his big reward was ice cream and going pantsless for the next two hours. And my big reward was cleaning the poopy potty bowl. And gagging some more.
I’m hoping this is a turning point in our potty training endeavors. It’s a big milestone at least! And a learning experience for me – I’m now encouraging him to sit on the real toilet with a potty seat. I’ve got enough crap to deal with already!
So this is where we are in potty training. He sticks his little hand out and yells “Go away Mommy! I’m pooping!” The kid likes his privacy while dumps in his pants.
I feel like I’ve given him some very persuasive reasons to go sit on the potty. Everything from “It makes your butt happy!” to “You can turn around and see your own poop.” (I think he finds this one most intriguing) But in the end he prefers to quietly play with his cars while making soft grunting noises.
I’ll take wins where I can get them, so I still count this as progress since he’s actually acknowledging the pooping. And I can’t complain about the 20 min. or so of personal time that results from my banishment of the pooping vicinity. So I get some computer time and eventually he will wander over and let me know he’s stinky and ready to be changed.
Now if I could just get him to go away when I’M pooping, then that would be real progress.
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I think I get a gold star patience award for having a 20 min discussion about why it isn’t cool to poop your pants and then hang out in it. It’s not cool to be stinky. It’s not good for your butt. Do you want to have an ouchy bottom? And so on.
Why is this even a thing? While I’m doing it there’s a little voice in the back of my head going WTF kid why don’t you want this diaper changed ASAP? Why does a tiny human need to be cojoled out of his poopy drawers? I finally broke down and bribed him with M&Ms. A cooperative diaper change is a much happier experience for us all.
I’ve heard it’s more of a boy thing. My mom doesn’t have any stories like this about me. In fact, in her stories I pop out already talking, potty trained and refuse to even bother with diapers. Have I mentioned I’m over 40 and my mom’s had a lot of time to forget? I suspect there’s some holes in her story.
I also suspect there are a lot of future conversations with the toddler where I’m going to find myself going WTF am I talking about. I can only imagine what lies in store for me in the future…
“Why you can’t jump off the roof into the pool and other tragedies waiting to happen”
“The reason you have to wear clothes, and yes that includes pants”
“Ice cream is not suitable for dinner even though dad thinks it is”
What conversations have you had that go on the ridiculous list?
When I look at the those potty training books that promise Potty Training in 3 Days, or read articles with similar hard core “get it done in a few days” methods, they always make me think of that part in the movie Trainspotting where the main guy decides to get clean.
“Stage one, preparation: For this you will need one room which you will not leave. Soothing music… Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of… One bucket for urine, one for feces… One television and one bottle of Valium…”
Seriously, most of them start out with the info that you will not be leaving the house or doing anything but living life around the toilet for the next few days.
We are taking the more relaxed approach, meaning he should be ready by the time he gets to high school. Yesterday I tried the “no pants” method. So I spent yesterday cleaning pee off the floor. We also had a moment where we just stared at each other with me going “Poop. Poop? Are you going to poop? Come on just poop. Put it in the hole. I’ll give you a whole handful of M&Ms if you just poop.” He farted, laughed, and asked for more M&Ms.
So that’s where we are at on this magical journey. I’m not ready to go hardcore and shack up with just me, the kid and the potty just yet. But I can see how that might become appealing at some point.
So how did you get through this? Or how’s it going? Got any good horror stories? All tips, tricks and personal anecdotes that make me feel better about cleaning up pee are welcome 🙂