Mom Life

Real Mom Life Isn’t Insta-Perfect

Parenting isn’t always pretty. Contrary to the loads of mom posts on Instagram featuring smiling kids, #momlifeisthebestlife and mothers gushing about their love for their little rays of sunshine. Real mom life gets ugly and some days I just can’t even deal with it because this is all I’ve got to work with:

Why is he crying? I’m not even sure. Something about me not standing in the right place, the right way, and doing whatever it is he wants me to do but can’t seem to articulate. So a fun bike ride to the beach turns into a grueling 20 min. screaming session in the middle of the street.

With no family nearby, a husband deployed and lots of friends busy with their own lives, sometimes there’s just no escape. Everyone will rush to post how they are there for you but when it comes down to it, it’s usually just me and one screaming kid. I can’t even vent on Facebook without becoming terribly frustrated by the loads of “We’re here for you!” responses while I’m probably reading those responses very much alone and hiding behind the couch as a screaming four-year-old throws cars across the room.

No, you’re not here.

Your intentions are well meant and I’m sure your heart is here with me, but people are busy. They have their own lives and their own stuff and it doesn’t always magically line up with when I’m reaching out and trying to find someone to hang out with, or set up a playdate or just get out of the house before I completely lose my shit. (and on the flip side, I’m not there for anyone either because I’m so busy wrapped up in my own struggle so it really goes both ways and I totally understand)

I pushed so hard to become a mom (with IVF) and that makes me feel even more frustrated, alone and isolated during times like this. Real mom life is much different than imaginary mom life on TV or social media. I knew it would be tough, but I didn’t know I’d be doing so much of it on my own. One of the only reasons I felt it was the right time to start a family was because the last deployment was supposed to be the LAST. So now here I am, on my own and trying to figure out how to juggle EVERYTHING.

It’s just kind of been sinking in the last few days as I adjust to this new challenge and try to keep up. It feels like there just aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s been six days since I posted on the blog and that may be my longest stretch since I started writing regularly on here. Some days I feel very defeated. Yesterday was one of those days. But I find when I take pictures and write about it, I feel less alone. It’s often my only way of connecting. So that’s what I’m doing now, and I’m going to try and remind myself to keep doing that. When I go quiet is when I just get too wrapped up in my own head. So I’m making a big effort to get it out by writing about it. It helps. This helped. I feel better today.

Real mom life has its Instagram-worthy pretty moments, but my feed is filled with more realism and less perfectionism. And that’s OK.


24 replies »

  1. I hear you. Even if you’re not technically a single mom it sure as hell feels like it when you’re juggling all the physical and emotional mostly alone. Hang in there.


  2. I understand. We both work out of the house, but I work way less than he does.
    My kids are 3 and 8- the 8 year old is special. The 8 year old is decently independent, but once I started working (even though VERY part time) they moved back to when I was working 9 hour shifts and went back to the clinginess they had back then.
    I do have family locally who babysit for us and my husband is home every night but friend-wise, I’m terrified with talking to new people and most of my friends are like yours- busy. We all have work, school and/or kids ranging from pregnant- high school, so it’s rough trying to come up with something.


    • Trying to connect with friends can be so hard. Everyone is busy. Everyone has their own stuff. They want to be there for your stuff, but just can’t, especially if your stuff involves a screaming 4-year-old. Nobody likes that, lol.


  3. Yes, this post needed to be written! I get so upset when I see these perfect IG pages. Motherhood and parenting is not perfect. It definitely is unpredictable and is filled with melt downs after melt downs. Some of us just aren’t transparent enough to capture the moment and speak about it.

    Having a 5 year old that will be starting Kindergarten has me kind of nervous. Kid’s literally say the darnest things- inappropriate and all. lol

    Thank you for sharing. You caught such a great moment of your son riding his bike. A true moment to cherish!


    • Nothing I was trying was working to make the crying stop so I figured I might as well just take a picture! lol. Since we were on bikes I couldn’t even pick him up and take him home. I was so stuck! By the time we made it to the beach the sun had nearly gone down.
      And yes, they say some crazy things! I often wonder what he’s telling the teachers and kids at school.


  4. We are here for you + let me tell you about this time something even worse happened to me… 🙂

    Seriously, I hope you keep writing about this stuff, it helps other moms feel less alone too.


    • Sometimes I have to stop myself from responding with the “let me tell you what happened to me” stories. Sometimes it’s ok, but sometimes it just sounds like you’re being me, me, me. I have a Facebook friend who does that with Everything I post. And the stories are usually about a friend of his. It’s just weird now, lol.
      And thanks 🙂


  5. I think that the ‘rise of the mom blogs’ really did more harm than good for a long time, because those moms were so intent in portraying a perfect (and impossible) view of motherhood. (I mean it’s impossible to keep that much white clean if you’re a mom, and yet all of their instagram posts were of pristine, white houses).
    I have noticed a new trend on Instagram where moms are being WAY more real. Real photos of messy homes, cellulite, and yoga pants. And more and more bloggers – like yourself – are saying, “Hey, this is HARD! I feel lonely. I love my child, and I love being a mom. But sometimes it is harder than I can handle.”
    So I applaud you for being REAL. I imagine things will get easier for all of us moms at one point. I’m even told we’ll miss the crazy. But in the meantime, I hear you and see you. I can relate to you. And I appreciate your honesty in this post!!


    • Thank you! I hear we will miss it too. Maybe ask me about that in 20 years or so LOL. And I am still shocked by all the white/grey/pink pastel palette house pics, filled with kids doing cute things while wearing white/grey and light blue denim. How do they do that? Maybe they clean the house and take all the pics in the same day. lol


  6. I understand, my kids are 4, almost 2 and 6 months. Some days are so long and it seems impossible to get through. My four year old and I went through a very similar rough patch but for the most part it has improved so much over the past few months. Hang in there reach out if you ever need to talk to anyone about the hard days.💗


    • We still have some rough days but I am hoping the worst of the crazy tantrums are behind us. Or we could just be having a good streak this past couple weeks. He likes to get my guard down and then just explode, lol.


  7. Girl. Tell it! What people don’t see from the perfect pictures is the screaming, crying, deal making that goes on before you get that shot. It’s more than just a few snapshots, you’re a mom 24/7 (even on duty while you sleep, if you sleep) and sometimes that’s frustrating, tiring, and VERY lonely. Kudos to you for being honest about it. This was a great post!!!


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