Mommy Spank Me

I didn’t grow up with spankings, but I did grow up with the threat of them. So in a desperate move to get my son to stop squirming and let me put a diaper on him, I yelled, “Stay still! You don’t want a spanking do you?”

To which my son excitedly yelled, “Yeah!!!”

Well crap.

I suppose I should have explained what a spanking was before I tried to offer one.

So then I tried to convince him, oh no, you don’t want a spanking. Spankings hurt!

baby bending over
Taunting from a 2-year-old

So then he starts chanting “Mommy spank me! Mommy spank me!”

I’ve clearly lost control of the situation.

I find myself going, “No! I don’t want to spank you! I’m not gonna do it!”

Then I start wondering how my two-year-old just legit reverse psychologied me.

So how does this end you might wonder? With a half-hearted pop on the leg to show I mean business and some fake crying that ends in giggles and demands for more “spanking.”

Dear Lord, please don’t let him start requesting this at pre-school. 😆

 

My Top 5 Daily #MomFail Moments

momfail1Every day starts off with grand intentions. He’s going to eat all his breakfast! Then we brush teeth! Serious potty training starts now! Then it takes about two minutes into the morning for it to all go to hell and I’m giving the kid M&Ms for breakfast just so I can sit for a minute and have a cup of coffee without being harassed. So here’s my list of my top five “Mom Fails” that happen on an almost daily basis:

1) Tooth Brushing He hates it so much that I usually have to straddle him, pin his arms down and then brush all the teeth I can get to as quickly as possible. We just had his first dentist visit recently and coincidentally, they actually recommended the pinning them down method! I guess that’s a Mom win after all.

2) His Hair – The kid needs a haircut. I sent him to pre-school this morning looking like a toddler Einstein, and not in good way. I even tried applying a hair smoothing product and it refused to do anything but stick straight up.

3) The Bribery – I know I’m setting myself up for failure here, but I usually get him a toy at the grocery store or candy at the checkout line. I can almost enjoy our grocery store outings this way. But he expects it now. In fact, he asks to go to the grocery store all the time because he thinks it’s a magical place of new cars and chocolate.

4) The Food – He would exclusively eat M&M’s and fruit gummies if given the opportunity, so I’ll do anything to get him to eat solid food. Hotdogs for breakfast? Sure. A fried egg and peanut butter from the jar for dinner? Yep that’s happened. These are obviously not the best choices, but all my efforts at good wholesome meals end up on the floor so I figure I’ll just at least feed him some something he will eat.

5) My Restaurant TacticsTaking a toddler out to dinner is a unique form of torture. In an effort to not just stuff my face while trying to keep him from escaping, I will let him do whatever keeps him quiet within reason. Last night he entertained himself by sticking his straw in my margarita, then licking it. Don’t get judgy, it was mostly just lime flavored ice. He also likes to lick all the tortilla chips and then put them back. That’s why he gets his own bowl of chips now.

So are of these really fails? No, I’m pretty sure they’re necessary survival tactics for parenting. (Though we could use some improvement on the dental hygiene angle.) I think a lot of parents will look at this list and be like, been there, done that. So what’s your #MomFail #MakingItWork moments?

Raising Darth Vader

darth vader babyEver get worried that you’re raising a future Darth Vader? Or even worse, a Kylo Ren? Sure, we all go through our villain moments, but I’m still on the good side and have hopes of raising a sweet little super hero. So tonight in the bath, that sweet little future hero turns to me, lowers his voice dramatically and says, “I’m a bad guy and I’m going to shoot you.” Then pics up his toy boat, points it as me and goes “Pew, pew, pew, I shot you with my boat.”

W. T. F.

Where is he getting this from? I suspect his dad, who thinks he can watch anything on TV and not have a toddler absorb it all. In fact, I just texted him to ask if he had The Punisher on before he put him to bed last night. Because I find it odd that I get to go on one Mom’s Night Out and come home to a boat gun wielding baby. Moments later he started demanding an actual gun and was very disappointed to hear guns were not allowed in the tub. (Husband texted back, blames it all on YouTube)

This new fascination with the dark side doesn’t stop at tub theatrics. Yesterday at the park another kid was growling at him (it happens) and he thought it was the most fun thing ever because there was a “bad guy” to play with. He talked about him all the way home.

I know they all go through phases and it’s just a new thing he’s learning, but sometimes I feel ill-equipped to get through some of these parenting challenges and I get a little anxious. I start thinking about the monumental responsibility I have to help this little child grow into a good adult. I mean, nobody wants a future Kylo Ren. (at least, probably not the dads 😆)

So here’s to good parenting and the best intentions to raise children on the side of the light.  May the Force be with us, always.

calvin-and-hobbes-Star-Wars-fandoms-darth-vader-2824626

Learning to stop and play

playAs a busy mom, I’m always trying to do a million things. Laundry, wash the dog, feed the kid, shower, maybe even attempt to exercise.

My son is also trying to do a million things. Create more laundry, harass the dog, feed his teddy bear, get dirty and also, get me to play with him.

Sometimes I get so focused on “getting things done” that I just want to keep going like how I would in pre-baby days. Do all the things! And do them all now! But in pre-baby days, there wasn’t a small child creating messes while I’m cleaning messes and constantly going “mommy, mommy, mommyyyyy” while I zoom around the house.

And then there’s this nagging memory I have from when I was little, where my mom would pretend to play with me while she doing housework. Like I’d be playing Monopoly and badly want someone to play with so she’d tell me to set the board up for two, and then play for her. So basically, my mom was my imaginary friend. I also remember thinking this arrangement sucked. There are some obvious drawbacks to being an only child.

(*As a side note, so as not to suffer future wrath from my mother, I have to say she really did make time for me. This was a just a memory that sticks from a particularly busy day.)

So on a daily basis, no matter how busy I am, or how much I need to get done, I make time to stop and play throughout the day. Whether it’s crashing cars off a ramp, building train tracks, or just sitting with him in his favorite chair while he watches a show, I make sure to stop and give him my full, undivided attention.

Because every time I realize he’s been begging me to play with him for too long, that Monopoly memory kicks in and I realize the laundry can wait. Who wants to do laundry when you can lie on the floor and color anyway?

***

Like what you see on the blog? Consider supporting GeekMamas.com with a virtual cup of coffee:
Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Go away I’m pooping

img_8635So this is where we are in potty training. He sticks his little hand out and yells “Go away Mommy! I’m pooping!” The kid likes his privacy while dumps in his pants.

I feel like I’ve given him some very persuasive reasons to go sit on the potty. Everything from “It makes your butt happy!” to “You can turn around and see your own poop.” (I think he finds this one most intriguing) But in the end he prefers to quietly play with his cars while making soft grunting noises.

I’ll take wins where I can get them, so I still count this as progress since he’s actually acknowledging the pooping. And I can’t complain about the 20 min. or so of personal time that results from my banishment of the pooping vicinity. So I get some computer time and eventually he will wander over and let me know he’s stinky and ready to be changed.

Now if I could just get him to go away when I’M pooping, then that would be real progress.

***

Like what you see on the blog? Consider supporting GeekMamas.com with a virtual cup of coffee:
Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com