I think I get a gold star patience award for having a 20 min discussion about why it isn’t cool to poop your pants and then hang out in it. It’s not cool to be stinky. It’s not good for your butt. Do you want to have an ouchy bottom? And so on.
Why is this even a thing? While I’m doing it there’s a little voice in the back of my head going WTF kid why don’t you want this diaper changed ASAP? Why does a tiny human need to be cojoled out of his poopy drawers? I finally broke down and bribed him with M&Ms. A cooperative diaper change is a much happier experience for us all.
I’ve heard it’s more of a boy thing. My mom doesn’t have any stories like this about me. In fact, in her stories I pop out already talking, potty trained and refuse to even bother with diapers. Have I mentioned I’m over 40 and my mom’s had a lot of time to forget? I suspect there’s some holes in her story.
I also suspect there are a lot of future conversations with the toddler where I’m going to find myself going WTF am I talking about. I can only imagine what lies in store for me in the future…
“Why you can’t jump off the roof into the pool and other tragedies waiting to happen”
“The reason you have to wear clothes, and yes that includes pants”
“Ice cream is not suitable for dinner even though dad thinks it is”
What conversations have you had that go on the ridiculous list?
When I look at the those potty training books that promise Potty Training in 3 Days, or read articles with similar hard core “get it done in a few days” methods, they always make me think of that part in the movie Trainspotting where the main guy decides to get clean.
“Stage one, preparation: For this you will need one room which you will not leave. Soothing music… Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of… One bucket for urine, one for feces… One television and one bottle of Valium…”
Seriously, most of them start out with the info that you will not be leaving the house or doing anything but living life around the toilet for the next few days.
We are taking the more relaxed approach, meaning he should be ready by the time he gets to high school. Yesterday I tried the “no pants” method. So I spent yesterday cleaning pee off the floor. We also had a moment where we just stared at each other with me going “Poop. Poop? Are you going to poop? Come on just poop. Put it in the hole. I’ll give you a whole handful of M&Ms if you just poop.” He farted, laughed, and asked for more M&Ms.
So that’s where we are at on this magical journey. I’m not ready to go hardcore and shack up with just me, the kid and the potty just yet. But I can see how that might become appealing at some point.
So how did you get through this? Or how’s it going? Got any good horror stories? All tips, tricks and personal anecdotes that make me feel better about cleaning up pee are welcome 🙂
My 2-year-old is going through some intense development right now, and the resulting tantrums are quite impressive. I am lucky they are short-lived because the decibel level of the screams could possibly cause some eardrum issues. If I have any future hearing loss, I’ll be telling my son he did this to me as a toddler. I’ve read a lot about it being the result of them not being able to communicate, and then the frustration manifests itself as a screaming demon. The articles didn’t actually say “screaming demon,” but I know what they were getting at. So I’m going to unveil the mystery behind what really causes tantrums:
You gave them the cookie they asked for. It was the wrong cookie.
You gave them the right cookie, but you put it in the wrong spot. Cookie is now on the floor.
You picked the cookie up off the floor. No!! They were going to eat that.
We’re done with cookies and now want cars. You can’t find the right car
You found the right car, but put it on the table and he wanted it on the floor.
Do you see a pattern here? It’s obviously us. We’re doing it all wrong. Our mind reading skills are just not sharp enough. Some days we get it. And some days, you just have to hand them the whole darn bag of cookies and walk away.
Back in April Bay and Bee offered a “buy two months get one free special,” so I thought it would be a great chance to check it out and really let us get to know it before committing to a regular monthly membership. It’s a Montessori inspired, eco-friendly indoor play space for children under 5, located in Jacksonville, FL.
They have a great play space with tons of toys, a wooden train set that you can use to build different tracks, a play kitchen area, lots of blocks and creative toys, and a little jungle gym in the middle.
I was really looking forward to trying all the classes they offer from Sway and Play Yoga to sign language. Unfortunately Keelan lasted about 30 seconds in yoga and ran out of the room, and I couldn’t get him to sit still and pay attention to any of the demonstrations. He participated a tiny bit in the art class. But as usual it was not the amazing mom and son activity time I had imagined. He mostly just wanted to run off and play with the dump truck.
It is a great place to go on a rainy day or when it’s too hot or too cold to play outside. Other than that I want to wait until Keelan is more interested in classes before getting a membership again. I feel like you need to do those to really make the most out of the cost of the membership which starts at $48/mo.
If you are interested in checking it out, your first visit is free!
There’s a time warp of sorts that comes with parenthood that I like to refer to as The Toddler Time Paradox. I would almost describe it as a black hole of time, sucking in all efforts and intentions to “get things done,” often causing tasks to go unfinished or simple tasks to take hours. While on toddler time, a simple trip to take out the trash which would normally take five minutes tops is going to take at least an hour, possibly the whole day
Without Toddler: walk outside, put trash in can, walk back inside
Time Lapsed: 2 minutes
Take 30 minutes convincing toddler to put shoes on. Finally give up just to get out the door.
Let him find just the right cars to take with him on this monumentous trip.
Grab his bike on the way because now he wants to ride his bike.
Go outside with a toddler, bike and trash.
Leave trash by front door while simple bike ride turns into full neighborhood stroll. In the rain.
Discover puddles. Prefer puddles over bike. Prefer bike in puddles. Make mom yell about getting wet and dirty in puddle. Mommy is funny.
Make it back to front door now wet and dirty. Finally grab the trash. Repeat process trying to get trash around the side of the house.