Diary of SAHM – Day 120

Ok, to be honest, I don’t exactly know what day it is. I started in November so I just averaged the months together. If you are doing this too, you understand I’m short on time!

Time is this amazing valuable commodity I can’t seem to get enough of. In fact, that’s the only present I requested for the next year. I told my husband “I only want guilt-free gifts of time for myself.” Guilt-free means they are given without making a fuss about how it is taking away from his precious time to get all his very important things done. And also a good chunk of time because a couple hours is NOT enough and it just sucks to have a little time for yourself but rush everything because you feel like you have to get back home asap.

This is my first blog since the holidays. I missed all those golden blogging opportunities the holidays present, the optimistic or often nostalgic “where did this year go” New Year’s blog…and now we are heading straight into Valentine’s Day and all I asked for was a day to go get my hair done at a salon. Something I used to take for granted. I could spend alllll day getting my hair colored and cut if a wanted. But now I have to plan way in advance, coordinate schedules, etc. I really want to get low lights and be a little less of a blinding blond color. But that takes time. About 4 hours last time I tried it. Where on Earth does a SAHM get time for that? Well they probably don’t and they manage to whip some box color up during a nap time to get by. That’s probably where I’m headed. And if all else fails, at least I look good in hats.

You know what the weird thing is? I’m still super happy I made this decision and I still love it. Every day. Even the tough days, of which there are many. But I had tough days when I ran my boutique. No matter what you choose in life, there will be tough days. As my Green Beret husband would say, “Embrace the suck.” So I do have some seriously sucky days, but somehow they still make me happy when I go to bed at night.

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But seriously, he needs to embrace the suck a bit more and let me have a spa day or something because this momma could use a pedicure, a massage and new ‘do!

The Year That Changed Everything

IMG_0120Tomorrow my little bundle of joy that forever changed my world turns one. I can’t believe how fast it went, but to be honest, the first couple months went by in slow motion while everyone told me how fast it actually goes. It’s hard to really embrace that during those sleepless nights and days of feeding and screaming and crying (for both of us). But then after a few months it starts going fast, and then it feels like you can’t slow it down and you’d take those slow first weeks back in a heartbeat.

It was during those months and this past year that I learned everything I thought about babies was wrong. And every judgmental thought I ever had about kids or parenting was wrong. I never thought I knew everything. I knew I was pretty clueless, but I still had opinions about things like daycare, working, or just having a messy kid covered in food stains. And then I learned until you have a kid, you have no clue what you will be like on the other side of labor.

I can honestly say I ran to daycare like a drowning woman to a lifeboat as soon as Keelan was old enough. I needed a break. I needed some me time back. I needed to get back to work after a few failed attempts at bringing the baby to work with me. You try lacing someone up in a corset with a fussy baby strapped to your chest. I may dress like Wonder Woman at times, but I discovered I cannot actually do it all and I do need help.

And then a funny thing happened after I finally did get back to work and got some me time. I missed Keelan all day long. I looked at his pictures all day, I took any chance I could to leave work early and I discovered my heart wasn’t in working 24-7 anymore. This little guy had come along and stole my heart away. My business used to be my baby, but it paled in comparison to my actual baby.

So here I am, packing up my store after seven great years and closing the doors to go back to where I started 10 years ago, as a website – ThreeMusesClothing.com. I really enjoyed my experience running the boutique. I met so many great people and had a lot of fun. And maybe, a few years down the road when K starts school, I might open a boutique again. But for now, all I want to do is be mommy. I want to soak it up, revel in it and enjoy every minute of this amazing little boy. Moving back online and away from the daily demands of the brick and mortar shop gives me the freedom to do that.

Being a mom is a challenge, a blessing and a complete life changing experience. I am immeasurably thankful I finally get to experience this. So Happy First Birthday Keelan! You are so incredibly loved by so many. I love watching you grow and learn and look forward to all the adventures we will have.

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