Living by a new set of rules

1uwe9mNothing makes sense anymore. In my old, pre-baby life, if someone asked me for waffles, I’d make them waffles and we’d be good. Now if the child asks for waffles, I end up with screams of despair and cold waffles and I’m still not really sure where I went wrong. I’ve given up trying to figure it out. The only thing I know is, there is a new set of rules, and I’m not the one making them.

Top 10 Toddler Rules for Parents (especially those of crazy little boys)

1) Never let your guard down. The moment you do you get beaned in the head with something. Probably something hard.

2) Don’t look away. Because when you turn back around they are probably already hanging off a window ledge.

3) Don’t invest in whatever they eat at someone else’s house. Because when you get home they’ll hate it. And then you have five boxes of fruit bars they keep trying to feed to the dog.

4) Don’t invest in what they like today at your own house either because tomorrow they will most likely hate it, and by now the dog is getting pretty fat.

5) Diaper-free time means I’m cleaning pee up off the floor time.

6) There’s a right way and a wrong way to do everything. The right way is that one way you did it the first time three weeks ago. The wrong way is however you are trying to do it now, so you get an extended tantrum for your failure to remember to do it the right way.

7) There is a specific tiny car for every activity or outing. Also, you will need about 5,679 hot wheels cars to get through toddlerhood.

8) If there is a puddle, they will find it. If there is dirt, they will find it. If there is both, you might as well just camp out for a while.

9) They can be the worst little hellion ever and wipe it away with a hug, a kiss and a sweet little baby voiced “I love you.” And they know it.

10) They are going to steal your heart and one day you’ll miss the puddles and tiny cars and insistence on being carried everywhere. Toddlerhood doesn’t last forever. Just cover your ears keep repeating that during the next screamfest that erupts because you won’t let them lick the light socket.

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13 thoughts on “Living by a new set of rules

  1. Absolutely!! I wrote a post kind of like this (but not as funny!) awhile back called “Kids, I Give Up.” It was basically that I’m going to stop trying so hard, because every time I do they don’t like what I’m doing!!

      1. OH my goodness, yes! And they put us down a lot, too. Or is it just my 4yo girl? She doesn’t mean to, but what she says is “puffy” is “fat” to me … and I’m not really fat, but she manages to find my pudgy parts, lol. And squeeze them, haha….

      2. My son is just getting to the part where he notices stuff like that. His latest thing is pointing out my moles and then poking at them. Gotta love that, lol.

  2. Yes to each and every one of these! At this point, we cannot do a grocery run without also buying a new hot wheels car which will be forgotten the minute we get home. I’m pretty sure there are more hot wheels in my house than there are trees in the Amazon 🤔

    1. O . M . G. You just described the exact same thing I go through! The grocery stores must be setting this up. There are cars set up at Publix where there are no toys and they are like a booby trap for parents. You are just coasting along, avoiding the toy aisle and Wham! Cars! So now my son Loves to go to the grocery store and I have to budget in $5 extra for a stinkin new car. (or car set)

  3. #7, YES. And sometimes it’s random pieces of trash that my son hoards. Life ends because I can’t find his broken paperclip, which in all likelihood, I threw away.

    1. And heaven forbid you throw away a piece of trash they want to throw away. I have had to dig through the trash just to hand something yucky to my son so he can throw it away himself!

  4. Raising boys is certainly NOT for the faint of heart. Mine are 8 and 6 now, and there are still days I could cheerfully lock them in a closet. But they make up for it when they tell me I look pretty (when I’m usually not feeling it). 😏

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